We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Flight Announcements 4. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. 32. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. This is really good, he said. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 34. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? 33. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Auld Lang Slice I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. She also liked her scotch. Did it work? "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? ! Again, no reply. 11. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . 7. R-i-i-ing!) It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. He says, Anyway, enough about me. SUB sandwiches! Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? 36. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? (pointing at the sky). After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Rodrigues there? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 45. ! A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Thanks. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Of course, he responded. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. This site contains affiliate links. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Me: Hello? All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Thats Daddy. We recommend our users to update the browser. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! 35. Later, I spoke with Mom. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 64. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. What happened Sergeant? Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: "They're all mine. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Me: Hello? Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. 8. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Yes, said the lieutenant. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . March forth! When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. It took the poor guy all day. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Officer: Soldier. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Learn from the mistakes of others. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp She told me she warships them. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. He finally comes dragging in at. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . 29. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Decodes 7. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. 18. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Whats an LMD? I asked. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Read more. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. There are many branches of the military. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. He nodded. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. A friend paid my mother a visit. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. 4. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks.